goodwill haul

september 21

  Recently I've gotten into the idea of dressing differently. I've been wearing the same grey t-shirts and ugly jeans for years, and they were sort of getting old. They're from a time where I was dressing to depress, basically. It's easier to get dressed for school in spite of the lethargy if you have the same outfit every day and don't have to think about it. There was also an element of like, hey look at me, i'm really sad, someone please recognize that i'm sad and fix it. And that's bogus, fuck that. That's what my blog is for Clothes should be for letting people know I give a shit, and that I don't suck. Anyway, I went to goodwill and bought a maroon cotton sweater, white shirt, some uhhh.. #e5b3b7 -ish slacks, and a pair of worn leather shoes I might never wear for like $22 total. My goal was a pair of good pants though, and I think the pants might be the weakest purchase. Maybe I'll go to the DAV tomorrow, it's closer to the rich side of town anyway.

  There was this blonde girl behind the counter when I checked out and this really effeminate gay(?) dude who seemed to be good friends with her came in around closing and asked about who's working and if anyone has taken his job and how his life has been going. She mentions someone getting fired for not coming in, and someone else quitting to focus on school. "Because he couldn't juggle the two", she says with a hint of derision. I guess he might have been there to give a ride or just say hey or something, there's no way of telling. After the last item went through and the receipts were taken care of they hugged, like they had been waiting to do so. It feels weird to be the reason someone doesn't express affection for someone else. I can't tell if I want get out of the way to observe them like some sort of platonic voyeur or just don't want to impose. Either way, I want to record what that was like. People are cool. I wish I had a job, maybe I could make friends in the workplace. I could weasel my way into the newly formed social circles of young adults detatched from their high school friends. Or at least witness enough of that part of life, those relationships, that I could make comics about that sort of thing, and maybe make up a little for never having that high school experience or any friends for the past four years.

Fuck me I'm lonely.

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