november 4

19th birthday soon (the 15th). I'm looking forward to an excuse to eat some cake, but kinda dreading the reminder that I've wasted my teens so far. Or at least I feel like it. I guess I assign these years some mystical quality they don't really have. I feel like people my age should have gone to high school and made friends. I feel a lot of regret in that regard. I don't know anybody irl. I want to. I don't know how much or how often it comes through but I have a lot of love for strangers. People are interesting, you know? But I haven't really met anyone I stick with in a long time. I'm not sure what part of what makes a good human being or friend that I'm missing. I think I'm kinda self centered, but I've been trying to work on listening better and talking about myself.. not always less, but with the intent of showing empathy moreso than just look at me i'm so cool let me make this conversation a parade about my life.

I've been playing Earthbound lately. It's fun, I like it. I want to finish it.

School is okay, but I'm doing pretty shitty in Psychology atm. It feels like it at least. I think I might scrape by. There's about 500 points left and I just need to get another 242 to pass with a C. Around thanksgiving I could go for some extra credit, up to 100 points. By shitty I just mean I think I'm coming up on a 50pt assignment I probably can't do. And a 30pt assignment due at the end of the year I'll probably bomb.

I've got another creative project in the works, I don't want to talk too much about it because the gratification of sharing details might make me less likely to actually follow through to completion, but I'm liking where this is heading. I feel like I'm avoiding the pitfalls of some of my previous attempts, and like the idea is actually worth pursuing.

We found a starter in a junkyard & a guy to replace it for 40 bucks, then push started the car to get it to the guy fixing it, so it's back up and going for now. She's shifting kinda rough, though. Might be a more expensive issue in the future. My desktop keyboard is still broken. Health problems still present. I'm at my previous lowest weight again, so that's cool I guess. Neighbors are still involved w/shitty people afaik but hopefully nobody gets shot around here again for a good while.

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